Lost To The Girl
by BeshterAngelus
Summary: Mickey Smith knew from the first moment he met her he was lost to Rose Tyler. Sadly he loved a girl who could never be completely his.
1. Chapter 1

The first time he met Rose Tyler he was hopelessly lost to her.

"Jackie, she's a dear." His Gran, tall and elegant, never cooed. Yelled at him, maybe, but never cooed. "Mickey, get over here, come take a look."

"S'jus' a baby," he mumbled, six-years-old and hardly impressed with things swaddled in blankets and crying. His mate Bobby had a baby brother once. All he did was scream and get sick on people.

"Come here, boy, do as I say." Gran gave him that look that said he'd best do as he was told if he wanted to live to see tea. With as much drama and effort he could manage, he shuffled over to Mrs. Tyler and the white bundle on her lap.

"We named her Rose for Pete's mum, y'know," Mrs. Tyler seemed so very proud of the little thing snuggled in the pile of blankets. "She died when Pete was just finishing school, and I thought it was a nice name. She got the Marion from my side of the family though."

Gran made one of those odd, humming noises as Mrs. Tyler kept prattling on about the baby this, and the baby that, and how good she was and how sweet she was. Frankly what was so sweet about a big old pile of rags with a squirming thing inside? Mickey wrinkled his nose as he inched closer to what might be the head, almost fearing what he might see inside.

A fist worked its way out of the blankets first, punching the air with a squall, an impossibly small, fat, pink thing with the tiniest fingers that Mickey had seen. It pushed back a corner of the soft cotton, revealing a nearly baldhead, covered in a fine down of hair. The small face was round and fat, and was screwed up so tight that Mickey expected her to scream any minute.

Instead she opened her eyes. And she smiled.

Mickey stared down at the creature in front of him. It was just a baby, nothing special about that. But this baby was smiling at him, a big smile with no teeth, cause she didn't have any yet, and it was drooly and milky. But it was as bright at the sunlight they sat in, and her little baby eyes stayed fixed as she waved a fist at his face.

"I think she likes you," Mrs. Tyler grinned. "She only ever smiles that way for Pete."

Mickey didn't understand why he liked it that baby Rose smiled at him. All he knew was that it was the best feeling in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Mickey felt as if he was always chasing after Rose Tyler, trying to get her to listen to him, to pay attention to him just once.

"Rosey-posey, where did you go now," he hollered to everyone and no one in particular. Powell Estates types didn't notice one kid yelling unless it sounded dangerous. And the only danger Mickey was in was getting murdered by Mrs. Tyler if she found out he'd lost her only daughter yet again.

"Rose, your mum told me to watch you and get you back home!" Mickey had wished he had never agreed to the duty. He'd wanted to play football with his mates, but Jackie Tyler had snagged him along the way and guilted him into taking four-year-old Rose with him. His friends had sniggered as Mickey agreed, dragging the girl with big, brown eyes and pink jumper with him. She'd seemed happy enough at first to watch the older kid's kick a ball around, and Mickey thought it would be safe just leaving her there on the bench to watch.

He blinked, just a moment, and then she was gone, her teddy the only thing left to show she was even there.

"Bloody hell," he swore under his breath, knowing Gran would smack him into tomorrow if she heard him say something like that. He spun around in the brick and concrete plaza between the grimy buildings that Rose lived in. It wasn't much, worse than Gran's small house even, but it was home for Rose and he thought maybe she had gotten bored and come here.

"Rose," he called half fearing Jackie might hear and come running out, screaming he had lost her daughter. There was no response, not even a giggle, or a playful call. It was like she vanished. How could one little girl in a bright pink jumper vanish?

"Rose, I'm not kidding, come out. Your mum wants you."

Not even that brought rose out of hiding. She was doing this to spite him he fumed, stomping across the plaza and back to the park. She was probably sitting there back on the bench, laughing at stupid Mickey who wandered off looking for her. She'd smile at him with that big smile of hers; those big brown eyes that would try to look innocent.

He stopped short as he crossed into the grassy expanse. As far as parks go it was little more than a patch of treeless ground the local boys kicked a ball around. There was a bench here and there, and at one end a ditch with a big pipe. It was big enough for them to splash around in the heat of summer if they wanted. It was also big enough for a little girl to crawl into.

Sitting on the ground beside it was a bright, pink jumper.

Mickey ran as fast as his legs would go to the sweater on the ground, screaming Rose's name. Frantically he looked for the little girl's brown head in the weeds, hoping she would smile up at him, would laugh up at him, would roll her eyes and yell at him, would say…

"Hello, Mickey!"

He spun to the sound of giggling behind him, his heart in his throat as Rose Tyler grinned; her jeans and trainers covered in mud, holding up in her tiny, cupped hands to his nose.

"Look! I found him!" Mickey reared back from the slimy, muddy frog the girl waved at him.

"Rose, where've you been? I've been looking all over."

"Here," she shrugged, plopping down on the ground in her filthy clothes, cuddling the squirming frog to her white t-shirt fondly. "I'm going to name him Pete, after my Dad. Think Mum will let me keep him?"

Even if Rose did convince Jackie that she should name her pet after her long-dead father, Mickey doubted that Jackie would agree to having that pet be a frog. "Rose, look…I don't think your Mum will be happy about it."

"Why not?" Big brown eyes looked up at him wondering what in the world was wrong with bringing a bug eyed, gross-looking creature into any house.

"Cause it's a frog. Your Mum doesn't like gross things."

"It's not gross!"

Mickey sighed. "Alright, it's not gross. But where you gonna keep it?"

"In my shoebox in my bedroom!" She muttered that as if it were obvious.

"Right, but the, what you going to feed it. Frogs like flies and things. You don't got those. And it likes living in mud and water and stuff. Your Mum would let that in the house, would she?"

"No." The little girl was finally catching on this was a much bigger deal than just keeping a frog named Pete around for company.

"Right. So how about we let Pete go for now, and let him go back to his mum and dad in the ditch, and we take you home and get you cleaned up, yeah?"

It took several pleading looks and a promise of a ride on the handlebars of his bike later that week before Pete was returned to his watery home. Rose sighed, taking his hand in her grubby one, trudging home beside him.

"I would have liked a special friend, Mickey."

He squeezed the little girl's hand. "I know, Rosey-posey."


	3. Chapter 3

He never could take his eyes off of Rose Tyler.

She was zooming around the plaza on the red bike she got for Christmas last, her golden brown hair streaming behind her as she did circles over and over. She was screaming and fooling with one of her other silly friends, something about some band they liked, and she hardly noticed Mickey sitting in the corner, grinning as he watched her play.

"You're a right pervert, Mickey Smith." Brittney beside him snorted with abject disgust. "She's a baby, and you're stalking her."

Brittney was mostly put out that Mickey had taken five seconds out of their marathon snogging session to breath. Mickey glared at her in abject annoyance. "Don't be sick, you. I've known Rose since she little. She's a kid sister, yeah."

"Yeah, and I see that look on your face. Not the type of look you have for a kid sister." Brittney snorted as she glared at the girl and her bike. "Skinny bit of nothin' anyway, mum has all sorts of people up to her flat. Hard telling who she's been around."

"That's disgusting, Britt, you know Jackie's done hair up there for years."

"I heard it's more than that too."

Mickey has the deep desire to wipe off the strawberry flavored lip-gloss he still can taste on his mouth. Brittney was like Crissy, he decided, and Tasha before that. All the gutter trash of the estates, girls like him who grew up in the poverty of south London, just trying to make it while their parents survived on the dole. It made them hard and rough, seeing that same grim existence everywhere.

But not Rose, he thought, as she did circles on her red bike, singing the God-awful pop song that was all the rage now, her off-key voice bouncing off the buildings around them. Rose was happy, joyous, carefree. And she didn't deserve to be part of the petty sniping Brittney was handing out.

"You're sick, Britt," he shoved her off as she leaned into him again, seeking to attach her lips to some part of him. "Fat lot of talk coming from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The howl that Brittney sent up meant he hit a nerve.

"Heard about you and Paulie last week. Now all sudden you want me. Words got out about the two of you in the equipment shed you know. He got what he wanted and dumped you."

The girl's heavily made up face turned fiery red in an instant. "That's a damned lie, Mickey Smith. You take that back."

"So it's true you, that thing you do with your tongue?" He watched as her mouth worked up and down, like a fish, before she turned nearly purple and hurled herself away from him. He watched her go, stomping off in the direction of her apartments, neither confirming or denying his question. He wanted to feel bad about it, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Brittney would be latched on to some other bloke by the end of the week.

"Mick," Rose called, eyeing the departing Brittney with a smile of amusement. "Finally come up for air then?" Clearly she had noticed the pair of them on the bench, trying to suck off each other's face.

"How could I have a proper snog with you carrying on like someone's dying. Sounds like a banshee over there." He grinned as the girl tossed her head and spun her bike about once more.

He watched Rose mess about till it got dark, and then he helped her carry her bike home to Jackie.


	4. Chapter 4

On the worst day of his life, Rose Tyler was the only one he wanted to see.

It was such a stupid accident, what happened to Gran. How many times had he told himself to fix that ragged edge of ratty carpet on the stairs, to fix it down so his Gran wouldn't trip? Her eyes were too dim now to notice it sticking out there or to see how bad it had gotten. All it took was for the heel of her shoe to catch, the dependable pumps she always wore to church on Sundays. She took a tumble and then was gone.

Everyone was real nice about it. The neighbors helped him with the funeral arrangements. The ladies from his Gran's church all cooked more food than he could possibly eat. Jackie Tyler, who'd watched him grow up, put in a word at the estates to see if they couldn't find a flat for him to move into, out of the tiny house he shared with Gran.

It was all so surreal, knowing she was gone now.

He sat on the back stoop into the garden that was little more than a patch of grass and weeds. He was in his best suit, the only one he had really. He'd grown since he last wore it, and it stretched tight across his hunched shoulders. Inside he could hear people chattering, all in the hushed, sympathetic tones that tried to be respectful of the dead.

Why did Gran have to die at all? Why couldn't things have stayed the same?

Her fingers slid over the polyester of his jacket. He glanced over at the nails, bright pink, as usual. But Rose Tyler's dress was a modest black as she settled on the stoop beside him. She leaned her head on his shoulder, her newly dyed, blonde hair shining in the weak sun from the gray skies overhead. He didn't know if he liked her as a blonde, she'd had brown hair most of his life. But he decided it was all right. Rose in the end was still Rose.

"You alright?" She knew he wasn't, but was polite enough to ask anyway.

"Sure," he shrugged, knowing it was a lie, but not really able to tell her the truth. "Ladies got me taken care of okay till I can work out something on my own."

Rose nodded. She was fifteen now, still something of a silly girl, but changing too. Mickey had been seeing the change everyday with a longing heart even if he didn't act on those feelings. Gran had always liked Rose a lot, loved her spirit and her sass. That thought brought tears to his eyes.

"I met some batty old aunt of yours from Jamaica," Rose murmured without looking at him straight on. "She's convinced your name is Rickey by the way."

Mickey snorted. Trust Rose to pluck him up when he was starting to feel too low. "Yeah, I was supposed to be named Richard. They went for Michael. She never forgave them."

"Really. You'd be weird as a Richard. It's such a posh name."

"What, it's not so bad. Like 'lion heart' and all that."

"You, 'lion heart'?" Rose snickered, and Mickey felt annoyed enough to give her a shove that forced her to brace her feet or tumble into the mud. She didn't stop laughing though. In all honesty he liked the sound, especially today.

"I love you, Mick, but I'd never call you 'lion heart'. Fat head, maybe."

"Right, I didn't need to be insulted on the day of my Gran's funeral."

Rose sobered immediately, the sparkle in her brown eyes fading to warm sympathy. "I'm sorry, Mick." She wrapped an arm around him. He leaned into it with a slightly guilty smile.

"Fooled you, didn't I?"

"Yeah," she breathed, warm on his cheek. "But I am sorry."

"I know."

Her arm tightened around him as she rose up, straightening her skirts around her slim legs. She was all legs at the moment, and skinny, into gymnastics and things. But Rose Tyler was growing up. And Mickey couldn't help but notice.

"If you need anything, let me know. I'll run over, yeah?"

"Yeah," Mickey nodded, trying to duck his head and avoid the sad pity on her face. He wasn't prepared for the curtain of gold that soon covered him, or the petal soft brush of her lips on his cheek.

She went back inside, but Mickey remained on the stoop, his palm gently covering the burning spot where Rose Tyler's kiss had branded his skin.


	5. Chapter 5

As much as he adored Rose Tyler, at times he couldn't understand her.

"What has gotten into your head?" Mickey was jabbing the air between them with a chip and sounding for all the world like Jackie. Maybe that's why Rose only rolled her eyes at him and shoved another bit of fried potato into her mouth.

"What, it's not like any of my friends are still there."

"Rose, your Mum's been over the moon with you studying for A-levels, this means a lot to her."

"Means a lot to Mum, not to me."

That wasn't true and Mickey knew it. Rose had always been smart, smarter than him, smarter than most of the likes of them in Powell Estates. Despite being rubbish in science, she was smart enough to sit for at least three. She'd told anyone who would listen she wanted to study art and French and live in Paris. Mickey had been practicing French for a year now just so he could get good enough to come and visit her when she studied. Now…

"Rose, this is your chance. You are smarter than this. You get your education; you can get the hell out of these estates. You can be…something great!"

Rose wouldn't meet his eyes as she sipped at her Coke. "Jimmy thinks I'm great already."

Jimmy…that's what this was all about, the great git. Mickey tossed his chip down in disgust. "You still on about him."

"He's brilliant," she cried fiercely, slamming her drink down so hard it spilled out of the top.

"He's a greasy git with a guitar is what he is. Honestly, what do women see in musicians?" Mickey had taken Jimmy's presence in Rose's life as graciously as he could. After all, he'd not ever gathered the courage to tell this girl, his best friend, that he was in love with her. He'd wait till she was done sitting her tests and had gotten into uni, he had reasoned. Then one night at a party Rose had met Jimmy Stone, the guitarist of the band. Next thing he knew she was wrapped around the prat day and night. Mickey didn't want to think what else was going on.

"He's brilliant," Rose reiterated, as if he didn't get it the first time. "And he wants to take care of me."

"Right," Mickey snorted, staring at Rose's mulish expression. She honestly believed this idiot would do what he said. "Rose, that's his line, you know. He's going to convince you he's going to make it big, come hang with him, and you will see. And then he's going to dump you on your ass when some other better prospect comes along, and where will you be?"

"He's not like that," she snapped, arms crossing across her pink and gray hoodie. "He's different. He wrote a song for me!"

"Oh, a song for a rose, like that's hard or anything."

"He did. And he wants to travel the world with me, go to France, and Bangladesh, and even America. He knows this guy in Hollywood."

"Every musician knows a guy in Hollywood," Mickey was hardly impressed. Why had Rose decided to do this, he sighed? Why couldn't she just stay put, like a good girl, sit her A-levels, go to university, and let him take care of her? Wasn't he good enough?

He should have told her months ago how he felt. Now she was swanning off.

"You're Mum is going to throw a fit."

"Why? Dad was in a band when she met him." In Rose's mind, Jimmy was just her version of Pete, a hopeless romantic, a reckless dreamer. But Jimmy wasn't anything like Pete Tyler, or at least the Pete Tyler Mickey knew of. He'd use Rose and dump her and move on to someone else. Good luck getting her to see that, though. Mickey knew this was a fight he wasn't going to win.

"Rose," he sighed, twirling a cold chip in vinegar and salt. "Just…be careful. And call me if you need me, yeah?"

Rose's smile lit up the room as she nodded, visions of world tours and music videos in her head. Perhaps that's why she looked so lost when six months later Mickey drove his beat up car to pick her up, crying, from the dingy flat she'd been sharing with Jimmy. He hadn't said a word, only let her sob the whole way back to Powell Estates, holding her hand as tightly as he could.


	6. Chapter 6

He never could say no to Rose Tyler.

Jimmy Stone was soon an embarrassing memory, though Jackie hardly forgot. She would mutter about lost A-levels and glare at her daughter as she scoured the job listings. Jackie had such hopes for Rose, but Rose seemed to take it all in stride. She was at least back home where she belonged, with her mum…and with Mickey.

"So I'm thinking of working in one of those stores in the city," she told him one evening as they sat in the courtyard, eating pizza and watching the summer sunset.

"They pay good?"

"S'alright," she drawled around a sip of Coke. She glanced over at him. "You could come and see me sometimes, you know. Visit on my lunch, we could see things in town."

"And why would I do that?" He held his breath as she grinned, slow and knowing, her tongue caught mischievously between her teeth as she shrugged.

"I don't know, thought you might like it." She leaned back into his shoulder, and Mickey didn't move. He didn't dare to. Rose had been showing signs over the months since Jimmy that indicated she might…maybe…just see him as something other than the bloke she grew up with. His heart raced as he tried to play it cool.

"I don't know, got my own work here you know, down at the garage. And you know, there's Sarah."

Rose's palm shot like lightening, slapping him across his flat belly. "Sarah is a fat cow and she just wants to shag you and get you to marry her."

"What's wrong with that, oomph." He contained the grin that followed Rose's second attack. He loved winding her up. "Well, it's not like I got anyone else interested, is it?"

He meant to tease her. He should have known she was still so fragile after Jimmy, doubt crossing her gaze instantly as she rose, beginning to gather napkins and pizza boxes. Sensing his mistake, Mickey rushed to stop her.

"Hey, Rose…no, really, I'm sorry. I was just messing about." He grinned but it did nothing to ease the tears brimming in her big, brown eyes. "Look, I'm sorry, I thought you knew I've been mad about you for years."

"Years?" Clearly she hadn't got that. "That long?"

"Well, I have known you since you were in nappies."

"Get off," she groaned, pushing him away, but laughing all the same. "How long has it been?"

Mickey wanted to tell her since he first laid eyes on her. Instead he just reaches for her hand.

"Long enough to wait for you to see it too."

They kissed for the first time that night. Mickey thought the world could end there and he would die a happy man. Rose Tyler's arms wrapped around his neck, her lips pressed against his, and he held her as she took his very breath away. He thought then that time had stopped, and that he would never let her go.


	7. Chapter 7

Rose Tyler was the one woman who could break his heart.

Everything had been so right. She worked in the city, he'd visit her some days, and they'd mess about and have fun. She didn't move in with him, though. She'd learned her lesson with Jimmy. She stayed under Jackie's watchful eye, but would sometimes stay overnight in his flat. He'd talk of making things serious, of them settling down forever and always. She would shrug, but would laugh at the idea, and move on to something else.

She was only nineteen, he'd remind himself, still just feeling things out. Sure he was older than her, but he could wait. He'd waited this long. She'd warm up to the idea eventually, and then he could start saving up. He'd get a ring, a flat; maybe save up some money for his own shop, or maybe a computer business…he liked computers. And he would spend the rest of his life loving and taking care of Rose Tyler.

Except it didn't happen that way. He hadn't counted on weird, plastic aliens, or a big, blue police box, or a strange man with big ears and a leather jacket to arrive. It had been just a normal week and then suddenly Rose's work blew up and then she was running off to the starts with some stranger who fancied himself a doctor. She had blinked at the invitation; just once…and then she had left Mickey behind, running off without a second glance.

He thought she would be right back. But then hours turned into a day, two, three. Jackie was frantically calling, and Mickey kept telling her he didn't know where she was. That much was true, but how could he tell her that Rose had swanned off with a time-traveling alien in a blue police box? Jackie of course didn't believe him, no matter all his protests to the contrary. The police came…several times. Posters went up demanding information. Jackie, who had always mothered him as a boy, now avoided him in the Tesco. People eyed him strange now. He knew Jackie had a big mouth and was putting out there he had done something to her daughter.

He ignored it. Instead he scoured the Internet for evidence of this "doctor" with his blue box.


	8. Chapter 8

Rose Tyler always had the ability to make him drop everything for her.

The minute he heard he came running, tearing towards Jackie's apartment where everyone was glued to the television and chattering. Rose hardly noticed him walk into the room. The big-eared fellow was there too, just as oblivious. He either had balls made of steel or he was just that thick.

Rose seemed happy to see him when she noticed. But she hardly seemed as if she missed him. A year, a whole year he had put up with people's funny looks and their suspicions, and she had been gallivanting across space and time, not caring about her mum, about him. He glared at her as she shot him a pleading look.

"Please, Mickey, don't be mad. I thought of you a lot."

"Yeah?" He wanted to believe that, but somehow he just couldn't make himself do it. "Was that before or after you were snogging your new boyfriend?"

"It's not like that." Her fist connected with his shoulder, and he was surprised that it actually hurt. He yelped, much to her delight.

"Serves you right. The Doctor isn't like that. We're….we're best friends."

"I thought I was your best friend." Mickey hated that he sounded so small just then. He hated it.

"Course you are," Rose assured him, blonde head on his shoulder. "You are a different kind of best friend."

He wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but the Doctor bellowed something, and Rose went running out of his grasp again.

The one dream he had in his life was Rose Tyler, and she was the one thing that was dancing just out of his reach.

She would call from time to time, usually from some backwater part of the universe, gushing over some sort of thing she had seen, sending him pictures of weird aliens and funny colored plants. The calls got fewer and fewer, though, and he wondered if it was because time ran differently for her. He wanted to believe that it was because she was having a fantastic time. He didn't want to believe that it was because she had simply forgotten about him.

One of his mates at work fixed him up for a date. Mickey hadn't wanted to do it…or perhaps he had. What else was he supposed to do, sit by his phone and wait for a phone call from Alpha Centauri? It wasn't as if Rose would know anyway, and what could she say? She was off with her Doctor, doing God knows what. Rose denied it, and most of the time Mickey believed her.

So he went on a date….or five. Normal stuff, nice normal things with a normal girl, dinner, movies, no aliens, no TARDIS, no Doctor, Doctor, Doctor. And so they had one night together. It was all right, though Mickey couldn't help but think of Rose in his bed as he drifted off to sleep that night. When he woke, he was alone, and he felt guilty for cheating on Rose.

As if on cue, she chose that time to call.

Her passport was easy enough to get, Mickey still had a key to Jackie's place. He'd taken to checking in on her with Rose gone. He stuffed the passport and mementos into his pockets and hopped a train to Cardiff, wondering why the Doctor couldn't just bring Rose home like a normal person.

But the Doctor isn't normal, nor is his friend Jack, who looks like one of those fake looking underwear models he always saw women mooning over. If his looks were unbelievable so were his stories, but he seemed all right enough in comparison to the Doctor, who stilled called him Rickey. As if Mickey were nothing, as if he didn't have a proper name. Still, he had a day with Rose, as least he could be grateful for that. If he closed his eyes and pretended he could believe, just for a second, that things were back to normal, that his girl was home, and she was with him, and they were having a nice dinner, and maybe a hotel room later…

But she wouldn't shut up about the Doctor. As afternoon turned into evening, it was one long litany of her adventures, of strange planets of ice, and weird aliens, and going back in time to hang out with writers no one cared about and meeting the likes of Jack. And Mickey watched her as she stood on the wharf, watching the waves rolling into Cardiff. She was standing right in front of him and yet she was just out of his reach.

When all hell broke loose she ran, back to the Doctor, away from him. He howled and raged at her, but it did no good. She didn't even look back at him once. He knew because he watched. Rose Tyler simply danced through the danger, straight back to her damned blue box.

Mickey took the first train back to London and got thoroughly and completely drunk.


	9. Chapter 9

He could be patient for anyone, even Rose Tyler.

Jackie had nursed him back from being totally off his face and had tried to reassure Mickey this was all a phase. She had done something similar when she was Rose's age, or so she said. The idea of Jackie Tyler getting anywhere near a time-traveling alien willingly seemed more far-fetched then Rose taking off with one. Still, she seemed to believe that Rose would get it all out of her system eventually, that she would work it out, give up her adventures, and come home to be a wife and mother. Mickey humored her and agreed. He didn't want to be the one to tell Jackie that compared to the entire universe, settling down in the estates with some boring bloke and popping out babies is perhaps the last thing Rose would want to do…at least she didn't seem inclined to do that with Mickey.

She came again at Christmas with a new Doctor in tow, or at least a Doctor with a new face. At least it was a better looking face than the last one, not that Mickey cared one way or the other it was all just too weird to him. Who went around changing their face? It mattered to Rose though. For a brief, shining moment Mickey thought he could finally see cracks in Rose's stubborn confidence in this alien freak. Maybe she would leave him finally, maybe she would see how strange his life was, how dangerous. Maybe she would want to come home.

But the world blew up again, and as always Rose was in the middle, this time with Mickey at her side. An alien ship, a race threatening their extermination, and there was Rose Tyler daring to stand up to it, spouting things that made no sense, trying to do what she thought her precious Doctor would do. It was only then that Mickey realized how different Rose was now, the person she had become. She wasn't the tiny little girl from the estates with her fake blonde hair and her pink nail polish. She was a girl out to save the planet, the universe.

It was only in that moment that Mickey realized that the Doctor wasn't the only thing he found alien anymore.

There was joy on Christmas Day, however, as the Doctor came in to save the day, as usual, and they huddled together in Jackie's apartment, eating turkey and Brussel sprouts and pulling crackers. Mickey ignored how easily this new Doctor fell into it with his Rose. He wanted to tell himself that in the end she would declare it all too much for her. Perhaps that's why, when they stood outside in the ash of a dying spaceship he felt his heart break as she took her new Doctor's hand and looked up into the stars.

She was leaving again. And Mickey had a feeling she was never coming home.


	10. Chapter 10

Mickey had no idea why he believed in Rose Tyler, he just knew that he unequivocally did.

His mate's younger brother had gotten into the school where Mickey was sure strange things were happening. Not that his mate's kid brother was an idiot, but when he came home one evening spouting advanced physics to his astonished mother, even Mickey found that strange. He casually called Rose, knowing she would pass it off to the Doctor.

They arrived on the weekend, fresh from some sort of adventure in some corner of the universe. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks were flushed, and Mickey tried not to listen to that part of himself that was hopelessly in love with her. Instead he explained his mate's plight, hoping for once he didn't sound like an idiot. It seemed every time he opened his mouth the last Doctor assumed he was one, and Mickey wasn't so sure that this Doctor didn't as well.

"Right," he nodded, wearing the ridiculous specs that made Mickey want to punch him in the face. "I always wanted to be a high school physics teacher."

It was the longest Rose had stayed home in ages. Mickey had hoped she'd want to hang out like in the old days, get chips, wander around, and mess about. But even in her time home she was glued to her Doctor, hanging about his police box when she wasn't with Jackie. When she noticed Mickey, it was always as an afterthought.

He couldn't figure it out, what Rose saw in his alien man, who swept into their lives leaving destruction in his wake. She thought it was all a great laugh, an adventure day after day. Running and danger, fire and blood, but those weren't the things she remembered. She remembered a frozen planet, an alien shopping excursion, and some bloke she met who was stupid enough to get an implant in his head that opened up with a click. It was all a lark to her. In Rose's mind it was her and the Doctor, running from one adventure to the next, forever.

Then Sarah Jane happened.

"I wonder why he didn't tell you about her," Mickey mused, secretly prodding her. Rose's pretty face twisted as they followed the smell of frying potato for lunch. Ahead of them the Doctor stood tall over the older woman, who grinned and smiled up at him, speaking of adventures that sounded just as fantastic as the ones Rose talked about.

"Maybe he never had the chance to bring it up," Rose shrugged, trying to sound indifferent, but Mickey knew better. He'd known her since she was a baby, and he knew Rose had a jealous streak a mile wide. She glared at the pair ahead and jammed her hands in her pockets.

"Wonder what the two of them were to one another."

Rose glared sideways at him, dark eyes flashing. "What do you mean, Mick? They were nothing, that's what they were. Just friends who traveled with each other."

"Like the two of you are?"

She didn't like hearing that. Her gaze snapped away from him and to her trainers as she shuffled along. "Exactly like we are."

"Must be why she hunted him down after all these years, right?"

He shouldn't have teased her, but he couldn't help it. Mickey was starting to get a picture of what was going on here now, of just what Rose meant to her Doctor. He seemed to have a habit of collecting young, pretty women to drag with him, show them the universe, put them into danger, and then stranding them in Aberdeen or God knows where. And what would happen to Rose when he got bored with her? Would he even bother to tell her, to bring her home to Jackie? Or would he be like Jimmy Stone, dump her somewhere alone and Mickey would have to go and fetch her from some God forsaken place.

Mickey might be nothing more than an idiot, the human equivalent of a tin dog to the Doctor, but he wasn't stupid. And he loved Rose. And he wasn't about to see her hurt. So when everything was said and done this time he went along with the Doctor, this time he said yes to Rose's invitation. Besides, he wanted to see what was so special about this alien freak and his time-traveling box. Was the universe really as special as Rose made it all out to be?


	11. Chapter 11

The one thing Mickey couldn't stand about Rose Tyler was the tears.

Rose was very good at concealing them. Rose was like all the kids who grew up in their neighborhood, she tried to act tough and pretend that she didn't hurt, but Mickey always knew when she did. She had cried horribly when Jimmy Stone dumped her. She had cried when this new Doctor showed up with a different face, and she had no idea who he was. And now she cried because now the prat had done the one thing Mickey had suspected he would.

He had broken Rose's heart. It had all been on that stupid satellite, or ship, or whatever it was, the one with the creepy robots trying to put human body parts into the craft. Mickey hadn't known who Madam du Pompadour was till then, and still didn't care, she seemed like nothing more than another rich, snob to him. But the Doctor had been enamored of her, he had wanted to bring her along, despite Rose's sad and disappointed look. The Doctor seemed to ignore his own rules about time travel, and was ready to pluck a famous person out of her timeline, and when he failed, he had been moody and morose for days. He tried to pretend otherwise, but Rose knew. And it never occurred to the great git that it crushed her that he had been willing to risk so much for a woman he hardly knew.

If Mickey felt more brave he's have pointed to Rose's sudden renewed interest in French, her haunting the library and bringing up random things just to sound smart. Mickey knew she was trying so hard to not sound like a shop girl from the estates, and it killed him that she felt that she was nothing because of that. Mickey wanted to break the Doctor's pretty, new face for that. But as it was he was still afraid of the strange man with his sonic screwdriver. Instead Mickey took to haunting Rose's bedroom door, asking her if she were all right.

"Course I am," she snapped, flinging open the door to glare at him defiantly. But he could tell her eyes were puffy and her mascara kept running. And finally Mickey would let it go, he didn't really like the idea of a slap in the face. He would shuffle off and leave Rose in her room, and find some corner of the TARDIS to not be a bother to anyone.

She didn't let on to the Doctor either she was hurt. He took them to mad planets, ones with tree people, and ones with ice people, and one planet that seemed to be nothing but a giant sweet shop. Rose would go with a smile on her face, and grab Mickey's hand as if it were a lifeline, dragging him with her. They would run till they were breathless, then laugh like loons. And Mickey would try to pretend that this was all normal, that Rose really did miss him and want to be with him. He almost convinced himself that he might be able to talk her into going home and settling down again.

But then it all changed once again. He had no idea what happen or what caused the shift. He didn't know if the Doctor came to his senses or if Rose finally told him off. But suddenly Mickey was forgotten once again, and the two of them were thick as thieves. They sat beside one another, whispering stories and private jokes as he listened, trying to feel like he was a part of things. But he doubted they even noticed. It wasn't till it was too late that Mickey realized that the one person whose heart was truly breaking was his.


	12. Chapter 12

The one thing that Mickey never was good at telling Rose Tyler was goodbye.

He nearly changed his mind at the look she gave him. Had it never occurred to her that he might leave her? That he would tire of being her whipping boy? All of her life Mickey had been there, loved when she needed him, ignored when she didn't. All of his heart had always been hers, and he had been nothing but set dressing, pulled out when it was convenient. She didn't need him, Rose. She never had.

Still it had hurt when she had wrapped her arms around his neck and cried. He had nearly failed in his resolve right then. But the Doctor had gently guided her back to the TARDIS, shaking hands with him, for once regarding Mickey with respect. It was only then that Mickey recognized how truly ancient the man in front of him was, the weight of age on him, and the depth of experience. Rose would be okay with this man. He had to believe that.

This new world, the one with a Pete Tyler and not a Rose, was different. It was scarier than his world, certainly. Zeppelins and Cybermen weren't the only strange things about it. But it had his Gran in it, the woman who had raised Mickey and who he hadn't realized he missed so much until he saw her at her doorway. It also had something to do in it. There was a world to save and people to liberate, and the mess that Lumic had left to clean up. For the first time in his life, Mickey felt like he had a purpose, something to keep him going of a day other than worrying and chasing after Rose.

It was good enough for a few years. Rickey's Gran never did tell the difference between him and her real grandson. The Preachers evolved into Torchwood, and Pete Tyler, intrigued by Mickey and his experiences with the Doctor in the other world liked having him on board. Mickey suspected it was also because he knew Jackie and Rose in the other world as well. Pete always seemed curious about them and what had happened to their Pete.

Time passed. Mickey thought of Rose, certainly. The overwhelming ache in his heart at her loss cut at first, but dulled with time. He thought of her less and less as he saw to his Gran and threw himself into work. He even got to the point he began dating other women, ones Jake threw at him from time to time. Some were all right, most weren't, but it was far better than moping about a girl he had loved and lost. Besides, she was somewhere, back home, having grand adventures without him.

He couldn't say that idea didn't hurt.

He never expected to see Rose again really. Not until all hell broke loose that was. He alone knew the Doctor well enough to get help stopping this. And he went back home, intent on stopping the universe from exploding, or tearing, or whatever it did when space and time threatened to collapse. He was Mickey Smith out to save the world…and see Rose again while he did it.

Even in his wildest dreams Mickey didn't see what happened occurring. He hadn't dreamed that in the end Rose would be sucked into his dimension, that the Doctor wouldn't come in at the last minute to snatch her back with him. He hadn't believed that Rose would be trapped in a world that wasn't her own. The selfish part of him wanted to be elated at this. Finally, she was there, with him and Jackie and with no one else. No Doctor in his blue box to swing in and sweep her away, no planets or times somewhere to entice her into leaving him. But somehow he couldn't make himself quite feel elated. Not as he sat rocking her in the Torchwood Tower, her sobs ringing through the room as she refused to budge from the wall that sealed her from her Doctor forever.

Even Mickey knew what that meant to Rose. And in all honesty it broke his heart, for her, and strangely enough for the doctor as well. He knew on that beach in Norway that if the Doctor could he'd come for Rose. But all he could manage was a facsimile, an image, and a final goodbye. The heartbreak for both of them churned in Mickey's gut as he watched, realizing that for all these years he had been pining for a girl who had been lost to him almost from the moment she had taken this strange madman's hand. Even worse, he'd been lost to her too.

Then he disappeared, and finally they all had to move on.

For Jackie it was easy enough. She too had been drug to this world, but there was Pete. He wasn't her Pete, admittedly, but he loved her in his way, and she him, and they got re-married and had another baby. Mickey had his own work and was busy with his own life, Gran was getting older and more fail, and he knew even this time he would have to say goodbye to her all over again. And then there was Rose. Rose who never could quite get used to the strangeness of this universe, who Mickey would catch sitting outside and looking towards the stars with undisguised longing. It pained him to see her that way.

It wasn't as if Jackie forgot her daughter now with her new child. If anything, Jackie fretted over her oldest even more, watching with worry as Rose withdrew into herself. Pete, the father Rose never had, tried as he could to reach out to the girl he had grown attached to, the brave daughter he saw shutting down before their eyes. He gave Rose every opportunity, and she did take some. She turned to Torchwood; at first because it seemed to be the only thing she was really good at doing outside of working a shop. Besides, Mickey was there, something familiar. He should have resented it, the idea that Rose came running to him once again because he was there, her good, old, dependable Mickey, like her faithful dog. But this time he couldn't quite bring himself to be angry with her for it. All he could think about was that she was hurting. And he was there to make the hurt go away.

He thought at first it would be enough. And he tried, for her sake he tried. He thought that perhaps they would fall into the way things used to be. In some ways they did. They would go out for chips, just like they used to, and bum around this new London, finding all the new and strange things that were different here. They would laugh at their fortunes that took the pair of them, a couple of kids from the wrong side of London into posh, British high-society, thanks to the influence of Pete Tyler. The fakery of those with money never ceased to amuse Rose, and every so often he would see that sparkle in her eyes, the way her tongue would catch in her teeth as she laughed, and he would think she was going to be okay.

And then something would happen and the light would fade, and Rose would shut down yet again. It could be as simple as walking past a shop displaying Converse trainers, or a glimpse of a pinstripe suit in a crowd. Mickey took to never bringing up blue police boxes or sonic screwdrivers, and never, ever Slitheens or Scyorax or anything else that reminded her of the Doctor. Soon he found he had less and less to talk to her about, fearing the slightest turn of conversation would set her off.

Soon Mickey found himself finding as reasons not to see Rose…or perhaps she found reasons not to see him. Gran became ill, and that took Mickey's time. Rose threw herself into Torchwood, much to Jackie's chagrin. Days without speaking turned into weeks. He'd pass her in the hallways at work and she would hardly notice. He'd say hello to her, but she would never hear him. He would catch her, every so often, standing by a window, lost in worlds and times that didn't belong in this universe.

And then one day, the stars that did belong in this universe began to disappear.

Rose volunteered without even considering. Jackie was against it, and so was Mickey, but Rose refused to listen, throwing herself into time and space with the dimensional cannon, determined to find her Doctor. Mickey had no idea how much real time it took before she was successful, before she found their world, but he when she did he and Jackie weren't about to let her go alone.

He had a feeling if he did he would never see her again.


	13. Chapter 13

Rose Tyler was the love of Mickey Smith's young life, and she was the one thing he knew now he could never have.

Even watching her with the Doctor…or was it Doctors...hurt. There was something so alive in her when she was there, with him, in the TARDIS. There was a life that Mickey never was able to give her. Sure, he reasoned, he could make her smile. Sometimes he could make her laugh. But Rose had never turned the universe upside down looking for him, nor had she ever defied the laws of time itself. She had never expressed the same fierce joy or amazing courage for Mickey, not once in over twenty years.

The saddest part, he realized, as he sat companionably by Sarah Jane, watching his Rose, was not that he had lost out his girl to a strange alien in a blue box. It was that he had lost his girl from the moment she had taken his hand all those years ago, and Mickey had just been too thick to catch on to it. Rose had been lost the minute he had mentioned he had a ship that could travel through time and space. She hadn't even given him a second look. And all these years he waited, hoping, thinking she would tire, she would get bored with it, and she would return to him. But she was already lost.

What a fool he had been.

The idea had come to him rather simply. The Doctor had announced he was taking Sarah Jane home. Home…he hadn't been there in so long. It had surprised Mickey that he still thought of that Earth, of that existence, as his home. He had lived for so long in the other reality, in a world that was just almost like his but never quite the same. And that difference, unbeknownst to him, had grated on him so slightly. There had been things of course to mitigate the circumstances, first Gran, then Jackie and Rose. But Gran had passed, again, and Mickey was left once again alone. And Jackie was now wrapped up in Pete and Tony, when she wasn't fretting over Rose. And as for her…well, Mickey realized that was a wound that needed healing elsewhere. Perhaps home was where he needed to go, to a world with airplanes instead of zeppelins, and where there was a monarch to mock instead of a president. His heart ached for home, to return to the world he always knew, to the life he left behind. And he was willing to go home this time, with or without Rose Tyler.

It was the first time in since he met her he had ever done anything like that.

When they landed, he simply gathered his things and stood with Jack and Martha. If either were surprised neither showed it. Perhaps they both understood. It was the Doctor who seemed surprised as he walked out the door. Mickey wanted to blame him for all of this, but found he couldn't.

"I've got nothing left for me back there," Mickey explained to the man who looked far older than his face, to the sad eyes that reflected his regret and sorrow. Finally, Mickey seemed to understand why it was Rose meant so much to this creature, to this being who had saved the world so many countless times. He loved her for the same reasons Mickey did. Rose Tyler made the Doctor want to be a better person.

He shook the Doctor's hand and stepped away, turning one last time to see the familiar blue box fade into nothingness, the sound of its passing dying in his ears.

Rose was gone from him now forever…for good. It was the most crushing thing he had ever felt and yet the most freeing. She had been so much a part of his life since she was just a baby. And now…what would he do with himself?

"You miss her already…don't you?" Martha was beside him, staring at the empty spot where the TARDIS once stood. "Rose."

"Yeah," he shrugged, trying to figure out what he would tell this woman he hardly knew. "She and me…we grew up together."

"She's a remarkable woman," Martha acknowledged. "She had to be because he loved her so much."

Hearing that the Doctor loved her both pained and reassured Mickey, but there was something else. He watched the woman beside him quietly and recognized the forlorn anguish all too well.

"You loved him too, didn't you?"

"Yeah," she admitted, still fixed on the spot he had disappeared from, knowing he would not return. "But he only ever loved her. That's hard to deal with, you know, being in love with someone who loves someone else."

"Tell me about it," Mickey snorted, wanting to laugh, wanting to cry, wanting to scream and rage to the sky, but more than anything just wanting a drink. Perhaps it was a feeling that Martha could relate to well at this moment.

"Say, Martha Jones," he murmured frankly, without the cheeky swagger he might have tried on another girl once upon a time. "It looks as if both of our hearts have been broken today. You care to join me for a drink, try to wash away the sorrows."

He half expected her to rear her pretty, dark head, to meet his invitation with outrage and storm off. Instead she simply smiled, before turning to him and nodding her head. "I'd love that, Mr. Smith. Think we can talk Jack into it?"

"I think he definitely needs a drink before this is all said and done." Mickey turned to the handsome man who stood quietly by, watching them. "The three of us, survivors of yet another Dalek invasion."

"I don't know if I can go back to my normal, boring world after this," Martha admitted looking somewhat guilty.

"I don't know if I can either," Mickey replied, staring up at the blue of his home sky and taking a deep, full breath. "But for the first time in my life, Martha, I'm my own man, and I can give it a go, yeah?"

This brought a smile to her woebegone face. Quietly she smiled and took his proffered arm as they wandered to the waiting Jack Harkness, discussing pubs and food and anything that didn't involve death and destruction.

He still loved Rose, Mickey realized as he moved towards his new life, and he always would. But for now, this moment, he was no longer lost to a memory of a girl he once loved. He was free. And that felt very, very good. And somehow, he thought, Rose would be very happy to know that.


End file.
